A year of change and humility...

It's that time of the year again where people have many parties, eat and drink. Part of the big fat turkey I made is still sitting in the freezer. It will probably be made into turkey sandwich, turkey stew, turkey porridge, turkey soup, until I turn into a turkey eventually! :P Hmm.. I definitely need to eat less.. go on a vege diet? Or suffer the consequences, like expanding sideways.. oh dear!

Well, it's also a time to look back and reflect on what has happened during the year. It's hard to put everything down in one space, but I guess I'll try... It has definitely been a year of many changes. My life on 1 January 2005 is totally different from my life today. I was then a student, struggling with my project and teaching part time to feed myself. Today I am back in the workforce, trying to make sense of work and not to end up a rat! I was also living a life of "seclusion", hardly meeting anyone except for days when I was teaching, but today, at work, I meet all kinds of different characters every single day.

Life is indeed interesting and can change in a blink of an eye. Finishing my masters this year is an accomplishment for me, though I sometimes wish that I could have done better. I have been humbled by the whole experience as I struggled through many parts of it, sometimes feeling not very intelligent at all! The next hurdle I had to face was to find a job. This proved to be extremely tricky, as I honestly wasn't sure of what I wanted to do at all. It was another humbling experience as I faced rejection after rejection. I got an offer about a month and a half after I first started applying for jobs, but it was only verbal offer. Next came the waiting period, which really tested my patience and faith. I wanted to believe that yes, the job is for me, and no matter what happens I will get it, but on the other hand I felt very insecure n contemplated applying for other jobs. Somehow, at the end of it, I got even more rejections, and I was basically left with this one job. After waiting for months, I finally started work in October.

I guess God answered my prayers, although in very unconventional ways - He basically left me with no choice. But right at the beginning I prayed that He would show me the right job for me, the right place at the right time. Knowing that I would be confused if I were to have too many options, He narrowed it down for me. I also had certain criterias, one being location - I really didn't want to get stuck in any traffic jams or spend hours on the road a day. This has been answered, because I only take between 15 to 20 minutes to get to office, and traffic is normally very smooth. God is indeed good!

I think this year has been a year of learning humility. My job has humbled me too, as I am now faced with a brand new thing which I had never done before this. There are so many unknowns, and sometimes I feel quite inadequate, and quite frankly, stupid. I have to learn so many things from scratch, and have made many blunders in the process, which further humbles me. Sometimes I get quite stressed out thinking when is the next time I will make another mistake -- yes, quite paranoid! It has been hard, but a great learning experience so far.

I know God is interested in my character, and it's only through difficulties that I can learn to be more like Him. I am slowly overcoming my hangups, one at a time. It has been painful to discover them one by one, but at the end of the day, I know it's for my own good, and I want to please God. It's sometimes hard to stand up for God in the working environment, but I am becoming more conscious in doing so. After all, I am supposed to be the "light" and "salt" in my office. I need to be more bold, in many areas of my life, and I guess I'm being forced to do so at work.

I thank God for His grace & mercy upon my life -- He has been patient with me though I don't deserve it. I've been listening to a new song, "Still Standing" by Israel & the New Breed, and the chorus goes like this:-

If not for your goodness, if not for your grace
I don't know where I would be today
If not for your kindness, I never could say
I'm still standing
If not for your mercy, if not for your love
I most likely would have given up
If not for your favor, I never could say
I'm still standing...
But by the grace of God!

Indeed, where would I be today without God's grace, kindness, mercy, love and favour?

"But thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. " -- 1 Corinthians 15:57