Encouragement in God alone

Why is it that I seem to blog when I feel blue? Perhaps when my heart feels like bursting, I realise I have to let it out. Still, as I look at this white screen, my mind seems to blank out and it's hard to express how I really feel. This weekend has been surprisingly uneventful, from the perspective of activities. It's a good change, I guess. However, with all the additional time, besides sleeping and running errands, many thought ran through my mind. I lost a good half day moping over things - life, I guess can be overwhelming at times. Many things frustrated me and unfortunately I went into a downward spiral, depression even. I just couldn't get my mind around certain things... I decided to read my bible and pray -- which brought some relief but still I went to bed feeling rather sad last night.

This afternoon was nearly repeated that way. When I finally got out of bed, I spent some time reading my bible again, and praying. This time I did some serious reading and praying... Somehow, my spirits were lifted. 1 Sam 30:6 said that "David encouraged himself in the Lord." He prayed. He worshipped. He depended on God's word. He overcame his distress. I find this so true. You can't really depend on people to encourage you sometimes. What happens when there's no one? Who do you turn to but God Himself? Rather, I realise, the best thing is to turn to God first, not after you have tried to turn to your friends or family and find out that they have no time for you nor do they understand you fully. God alone gave me comfort and assurance of who I am in Him. He sees me differently from how I often see myself and I am reminded to trust Him more and more. This world is often disappointing and if not for God, I'd end up very bitter and mad. God promises to be near and hold my hand, to guide me always. What more can I ask for?

Psalm 73: 23-26 "Nevertheless, I am continually with you;you hold my right hand.24 You guide me with your counsel,and afterward you will receive me to glory.25 Whom have I in heaven but you?And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.26 My flesh and my heart may fail,but God is the strength [2] of my heart and my portion forever."

Monday blues on a February day

It's February... what ever happened to January??!!! Sometimes it feels like time flies by too quickly, and yet.. it was an eventful month. For some reason, I have been particularly melancholic, and moody. I cried when I watched anything remotely touching. I cried when I drove home one day. I cried myself to sleep on a few nights. Sigh.. What am I becoming? A hopeless softy? It doesn't help that I've not been well for the last 2 months... and counting. Perhaps my physical health is affecting my emotional health - I feel discouraged easily, and most days I feel like I have no strength left in me to do anything... These few weeks have been a challenge, and today I suffered from the typical Monday blues. Things didn't go well at all, and I felt quite angry and disappointed. People can be so inefficient, irresponsible and inconsiderate. Why? Perhaps they don't think of the consequence of their action and inaction towards others. My personal principle to do all things well is gradually waning. Just a little while longer, I tell myself. Maybe I should have expected the inefficiencies after all... sometimes the belief that people would do better actually lead to more disappointment. On the other hand, to think otherwise continually would lead to paranoia. Hmm.. which is worse, disappointment or paranoia? One truly wonders...

A New Year

It's a new year! Yes, a bit late.. 9 days have passed already. All the same, thought I make an entry here -- at the very least to "mark" it. New Year... so what? Life goes on, only the dates change, and people grow older. Sounds a bit cynical, but in some ways that's true. Not unless we plan to make it different.

It will be different. I guess every year is different, and we learn different things. We discover different things about ourselves and others. Some pleasant, some not so pleasant. Inevitably, we have to deal with those things. Many challenges lie ahead of me. Excitement and trepidation is the feeling. The most important thing I know is that I'm not alone, as God is with me. In that I find comfort, and some sanity. Sometimes it seems like he is far away. Perhaps it's me that's far away. Me the delinquent and indisciplined. Hmm... anyway, I'm determine to make some changes this year. God help me...! :)