May Day

Yes! The weekend is finally here -- a much awaited long one, as Monday is the day where we are all suppose to rest from our labours. I wonder why there is such a day as May day, or Labour day. Well, I found out its origins, which I shall not elaborate here -- go and do a Google search! No matter what it is, I am thankful, because I can finally catch up on my sleep (or so I think!). With all the activities lined up these 2 days, that goal can be quite challenging. The good thing is, on 1 May itself, I've not planned anything... yet. It's kind of a crazy dilemna, which I often face on normal weekday nights. If I were to do nothing, relax and sleep, I would feel restless, and even guilty that I had wasted my time. However, if I were to do something more productive or fill it with activities, I would feel tired and exhausted, and kick myself for not getting enough sleep. Hmm.. so what shall I do? I normally end up doing the latter, and suffer the aftermath. Even as I write this, my eyes are beginning to close -- it has been a long day, and will be an even longer one tomorrow.. hmm.. perhaps the 1st option will be my choice. It's a good feeling to have the luxury to make the choice and not be dictated by any demands. I'm probably thinking too much about this, and wasting my brain cells over this silliness... Yawn! I think I shall rest from my labours right about now...

Drive fast!

Zoom...! Goes my car, up the road, pass the traffic light, a slight bend in the road, then another traffic light, up a bridge, down the same bridge, pass another traffic light, more bends in the road and on to the freeway...
Try saying all of that in one breath... phew!

Some people say I drive fast, and admittedly, I do, on occasion. It's normally when I am tired and want to get home as quickly as possible. Perhaps not the wisest thing to do, considering the alarming statistics of road accidents. However, there's a certain thrill and adrenaline rush, going at high speed and in and out of lanes. It's not like I drive a sports car or something (I wish!), but still...

Things have been moving and changing very fast these days, and sometimes I am gasping for breath. It is as if I'm running before I can even learn to walk. Along with the fast pace, unfortunately, comes impatience, anxiety and much stress. These days, when time is wasted or things don't happen as planned, I feel frustrated. A far cry for a half phlegmatic and patient person that I am supposed to be. Maybe it's time to take a deep breath, and go at a more regular pace, slow down.

This probably explains my constant tiredness and lack of energy these days. I suppose if you keep running, you will soon feel tired. Sometimes I can't keep up with the changes, and feel like a drowning person, getting lost in an ocean of mind boggling muddles and uncertainties, sinking deeper and deeper...

Everyday I ask God for wisdom, favour and strength to face the day. Some days I manage to solve some "mysteries"; others, things just go awry. In the bigger scheme of things, I ask myself, "what's the worst that can happen?" Perspective then becomes a little clearer. Honestly, I don't really know why God has placed me where I am at -- it's one big mystery, doing things that I'd not expected or wanted to do in the first place. I am tempted to give up, and yet I have decided to give it a try -- I don't want to run away from things just because it is difficult. At the very least, I'd know that I have tried. Hopefully, I will not fall flat on my face. But if I do, I remember the words of a famous jazz piece that encourages me:

Nothing's impossible I have found
For when my chin is on the ground
I pick myself up, dust myself off, start all over again

Don't lose your confidence if you slip
Be grateful for a pleasant trip
And pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again

Work like a soul inspired

Till the battle of the day is won
You may be sick and tired

But you'll be a man my son

Don't you remember the famous men

Who had to fall to rise again?
They picked themselves up, dust themselves off and started all over again

Right... tomorrow is a new day, with a chance to start over...
Good night, world (yawn!).

The end of propriety

When madness overwhelms the soul,
And nothing brings reprieve,
When all around is darkness,
And light is nowhere to be found,
That is the beginning of a downward spiral,
One so deep and fast that the ride is frightful,
Spelling the end of propriety as one knows it,
Breaking every reason of goodness.