It’s that time of the year

It’s that time of the year…

When carols fill the air

Those with money to spare

Rush about like a busy hare

It’s that time of the year…

When things are laid bare

Deep thoughts are not rare

Set goals some dare

It’s that time of the year…

When we are made aware

To love and to share

Place our lives in Jesus’ care

The Unexpected Contradiction

Unexplained, uninvited, you came
Oblivious to race, age or gender
Vicious and vile your effects
Tormenting the body
Piercing the soul
Crushing the sprit
Yet, a glimmer of hope beckons
Fighting against you
Though it seems you have triumphed
You are vanquished
As one returns to the Maker
Tears are dried, pain no more
Running free in the everlasting…

Random ramblings...

Thought I update my blog, since I've not done so in awhile. I've not been very inspired to any form of creativity lately, probably due to the circumstances of life. Needless to say, things have not been great. Quite the contrary. Well, I suppose a blog is not just about all the good stuff in life. Let's face it, life is tough and sometimes we go through rough patches. The trouble is, things normally happen all at one go -- just like a tonne of bricks falling on my head! Within a month, I fell victim to a snatch thief, things got really crazy at work and I got really ill (haven't been this ill in a long time) -- just to name a few. Sigh... How will I survive?

In the light of all this, I've also been thinking. Thinking about the important things in life -- where I am heading, what I want to make out of my life, ultimately. I guess having experienced a man charging towards me with a long knife reminded me that life is short. To be honest, I realised that I'm not afraid of death. I mean, death is certain, for all of us, at some point. However, I feel like I'm "wasting" time at the moment, not really knowing where I am going and because of that, I run the risk of not having anything to show for at the end of my life. At the same time, I feel like I'm stuck at the moment, with nowhere to go. I've prayed to God and asked Him to show me some signs, any indication of what I should do next. It's been a slow trickle so far.

However, in the midst of all these madness, there were some encouraging things, and for that I'm grateful. I finally received my book of poetry -- yes, one of my poems got published. It kind of got me thinking that I should sit down and write more. Besides that, I've had friends who have showed much care and concern during this season of my life. Sometimes in the midst of darkness, there are little spurts of light. Ultimately, my comfort is in God alone. I'm slowly letting go of the madness, and letting God take over. My verse for this season is this:-

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."
-- Psalm 23:4

His thoughts, my thoughts...

Hmm.. I've just typed a whole bunch of stuff and my Internet Explorer became Internet Exploder!!! Yeah.. it hung. So typical. Anyway, thought I dropped a few lines, since I've not done this for so long... Life has been interesting. Lately I've been challenged to change the way I look at things. God wants me to depend on Him. Indeed, that's the biggest lesson I've had to learn, and am still learning.

I woke up very early in the morning one day (somehow I just couldn't sleep), and I was reading my bible when God prompted me to review the prophecies over my life. So I did, and it hit me like a flash -- every one of them, in one way or other, mentioned about "David". I sensed that it was time to study about this very amazing character. I headed to the local Christian bookstore, where I found a book written by Charles Swindoll: David, A Man of Passion and Destiny. I must say that he has done a marvellous job. It's highly readable, has short chapters, which lends support to bible reading. Of course there are more things we can draw from the Scripture other than his viewpoint, but it's a good start.

So far, it's been great... I've also learnt to be a bit more discipline in reading the bible, reading a few chapters in one sitting. (though sometimes I still "skip" -- I'm only human! Working on it, by God's grace...) More importantly, my mind is being renewed daily (Rom 12:2). I dare say that these days, negative thoughts are less frequent, which is a great change for me. I often have too many thoughts, and not all of them good. I think disciplining the mind is another thing that God is dealing with me. Just this week, I was reminded of this verse:-

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
-- Phillipians 4:8

I may not be the most positive person in the world, but I am learning. Praise God for that! My final words for this entry:
Focus on God. Focus on His character. Focus on eternity.

May Day

Yes! The weekend is finally here -- a much awaited long one, as Monday is the day where we are all suppose to rest from our labours. I wonder why there is such a day as May day, or Labour day. Well, I found out its origins, which I shall not elaborate here -- go and do a Google search! No matter what it is, I am thankful, because I can finally catch up on my sleep (or so I think!). With all the activities lined up these 2 days, that goal can be quite challenging. The good thing is, on 1 May itself, I've not planned anything... yet. It's kind of a crazy dilemna, which I often face on normal weekday nights. If I were to do nothing, relax and sleep, I would feel restless, and even guilty that I had wasted my time. However, if I were to do something more productive or fill it with activities, I would feel tired and exhausted, and kick myself for not getting enough sleep. Hmm.. so what shall I do? I normally end up doing the latter, and suffer the aftermath. Even as I write this, my eyes are beginning to close -- it has been a long day, and will be an even longer one tomorrow.. hmm.. perhaps the 1st option will be my choice. It's a good feeling to have the luxury to make the choice and not be dictated by any demands. I'm probably thinking too much about this, and wasting my brain cells over this silliness... Yawn! I think I shall rest from my labours right about now...

Drive fast!

Zoom...! Goes my car, up the road, pass the traffic light, a slight bend in the road, then another traffic light, up a bridge, down the same bridge, pass another traffic light, more bends in the road and on to the freeway...
Try saying all of that in one breath... phew!

Some people say I drive fast, and admittedly, I do, on occasion. It's normally when I am tired and want to get home as quickly as possible. Perhaps not the wisest thing to do, considering the alarming statistics of road accidents. However, there's a certain thrill and adrenaline rush, going at high speed and in and out of lanes. It's not like I drive a sports car or something (I wish!), but still...

Things have been moving and changing very fast these days, and sometimes I am gasping for breath. It is as if I'm running before I can even learn to walk. Along with the fast pace, unfortunately, comes impatience, anxiety and much stress. These days, when time is wasted or things don't happen as planned, I feel frustrated. A far cry for a half phlegmatic and patient person that I am supposed to be. Maybe it's time to take a deep breath, and go at a more regular pace, slow down.

This probably explains my constant tiredness and lack of energy these days. I suppose if you keep running, you will soon feel tired. Sometimes I can't keep up with the changes, and feel like a drowning person, getting lost in an ocean of mind boggling muddles and uncertainties, sinking deeper and deeper...

Everyday I ask God for wisdom, favour and strength to face the day. Some days I manage to solve some "mysteries"; others, things just go awry. In the bigger scheme of things, I ask myself, "what's the worst that can happen?" Perspective then becomes a little clearer. Honestly, I don't really know why God has placed me where I am at -- it's one big mystery, doing things that I'd not expected or wanted to do in the first place. I am tempted to give up, and yet I have decided to give it a try -- I don't want to run away from things just because it is difficult. At the very least, I'd know that I have tried. Hopefully, I will not fall flat on my face. But if I do, I remember the words of a famous jazz piece that encourages me:

Nothing's impossible I have found
For when my chin is on the ground
I pick myself up, dust myself off, start all over again

Don't lose your confidence if you slip
Be grateful for a pleasant trip
And pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again

Work like a soul inspired

Till the battle of the day is won
You may be sick and tired

But you'll be a man my son

Don't you remember the famous men

Who had to fall to rise again?
They picked themselves up, dust themselves off and started all over again

Right... tomorrow is a new day, with a chance to start over...
Good night, world (yawn!).

The end of propriety

When madness overwhelms the soul,
And nothing brings reprieve,
When all around is darkness,
And light is nowhere to be found,
That is the beginning of a downward spiral,
One so deep and fast that the ride is frightful,
Spelling the end of propriety as one knows it,
Breaking every reason of goodness.

Lost for words...

Words are not enough...
When thoughts are travelling a thousand miles an hour
The deep mysteries of the grey matter
Lay undiscovered...
Only to be unravelled by intermittent bursts of genius
Questionable to say the least...

Words are not enough...
When feelings try to keep up with the thoughts
But fail miserably
Unexpressed and imprisoned
The heart suffers the worst punishment of all...
Numbness and indifference

A delicate predicament this author finds
Hence the writing must cease abruptly
Until such time words come alive again
Tinged with insight and fervor...

Little hands, big passions..

My 5-year-old niece, taught me what it is to be enthusiastic and passionate about something. Two days ago, she went for art class. It was her first class, and she was elated that she was going for art class. In the morning, she put on her blue Power Puff girl watch, and told me the time. "It's 2:53, aunty." I looked at her watch and it was telling the wrong time, but I didn't really take much notice. "Uh huh..", I murmured. We then went downstairs, and I made breakfast for everyone -- scrambled eggs with cheese.. yummy... After much messiness and noise over breakfast (since both my niece and nephew were around), the kids decided that they wanted to watch tv.

Cartoons were the order of the day. My parents then went to the market, leaving the kids with me at home. The morning passed by rather uneventfully.. or perhaps I was used to the kids noise and attention seeking ways. I played with them and we had a good laugh too. However, every now and then, my niece would tell me the time on her watch. I finally decided that I should correct her watch, and did so. I told her that it was now showing the correct time. She was pleased. After a while, she said, "It's 11:25". "Yes", I replied nonchalantly. After a few minutes, she shouted, "Aunty, it's 11:30." "Yes, I know the time.", I replied. She then said, "What time are we going to go? Shall we go soon?" "No", I said. "Your class is at 2:30. We will only leave at 2:00." I have to admit that her concept of time is still rather blurry at the moment, so it took some time for me to explain to her.

I was rather tickled at her behaviour. She was just so excited to go for her art class! 2:00pm came, and I drove her to her art class. Although a little pensive at first, she soon enjoyed herself, drawing and painting with the other children. As soon as her class ended, she showed me what she had done. She was grinning from ear to ear. After a short trip to the little girls room, she wanted to go home straight away. I wondered what the hurry was. My question was soon answered when we reached home. "Grandma, look what I have done.", she said excitedly, with a broad smile on her face. She did the same to grandpa, and later, to her mummy and daddy. Although it was a simple painting, she was very proud of it.

As I observed my niece, besides feeling rather amused, I thought to myself, what a passion she has! How I wish I had such a passion and enthusiasm for something. Instead, much of life has slowly evolved into mundanity and doldrums. Idealism has been replaced by realism, and dreams have been replaced by practicality. As usual, my head takes precedence over my heart, as do facts over feelings, which may not necessarily be the best thing every time. Observing my niece, I realised that I need to rediscover the things in life that make me feel more alive. After all, I only get one chance to live. So I must live, and not just exist. Now, the big question is, what are those thing?

Two doctors and two diagnoses...

"1Thessalonians 5:18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. "

I sat in the cold waiting room of the medical centre, reading my book. Why must they make the air conditioning so cold? If people were sick, surely the cold would not help? Being one of the first there, more people walked in as time went by. Finally it was my turn. I went in to the doctor's office, and he told me the good news -- my blood test showed that I'm free of the ailment he had tested me for. That's great, but it still doesn't explain why I feel the way I do. The doctor then went on to ask me about my sleep patterns, which haven't been great lately. A long lecture ensued. He told me about the evils of watching the television at night, and said he only watched the Discovery Channel, and other documentaries. Even the news was a waste of time, he says! I was quite amused. Then he asked me if I had air conditioning in my room. "Yes," I said, but I hardly ever use it. He said that humidity can sometimes distrupt sleep, and then went on to tell me to put switch it to 27 degrees Celcius. OK, I thought.. this is new! After his long lecture, he also asked me to stay away from stimulants - coffee, tea, alcohol and the like, and took my pulse before presribing me some medication. I thanked him and walked out of the door feeling rather amused. Well, I had seen this doctor twice before, and he was very stern, silent, and didn't talk at all. I wonder why the sudden change... hmm... people are indeed strange.

Funnily enough, the next day I experienced a very bad stomach pain, and went to see another doctor after work. He asked me a thousand and one questions to find out what was really wrong, and explained to me all the possibilities - some rather interesting, others, highly unlikely. Another long lecture. I guess I learnt something. Perhaps the next time I have a stomach ache, I'd be able to diagnose it myself. Again, the last time I saw this doctor, he was neither chatty nor friendly at all. This time he seemed different. I wonder why. As I walked out from his office, although in pain, I was quite amused.

I learnt three lessons here. First, people are rather unpredictable at times, and sometimes first impressions do not do them justice. Sometimes we judge people wrongly and are prejudiced just because of one or two negative incidents. Instead, we are supposed to be gracious, just as God has been gracious to us. One thing that I am grateful to God for is the fact that He has been very gracious and patient to me, and I think in return, I should do the same for others. Second, in my sickness, I felt very blessed by friends who have been concerned for me. It's a great comfort to know that I am cared for and that I am not alone. Third, health is precious, just as life is. I don't really understand why I am "stricken" twice in a row. One being a long standing problem, the other a sudden one. I am reminded once again that my life is in God's hands, and He can do as He please. Of course I can do my part in taking care of my health, but ultimately, it is not really within my control - and for that, I am glad. In spite of my pain, I give thanks.