Sitting around and waiting for things to happen this summer has been indeed trying. I've never been one who has much patience to begin with, although many would be surprised by my cool and rather emotionless exterior. Applying for many jobs and being turned down one after the other was not exactly fun. After X number of rejections I began to feel very rejected! However, the initial feeling of disappointment soon turn to numbness after many rejections too. I began to wonder what was wrong...
Not much of a person of faith that I am suppose to be. Instead, I was more of a fraud. I mean, I prayed, and prayed, but nothing seemed to happen. There was no sign, and more silence. In my heart, I knew that God will answer somehow, but then doubt clouded my mind as I looked at the circumstances. Perhaps that was my greatest folly: looking at things from a very human perspective.
But to be a person of faith requires looking at things from God's perspective. Failing which lies the danger of bordering on insanity! Perhaps I didn't really believe my own prayers fully. I struggled with many things, including my self worth, and wondered why it seemed so much easier for others. It didn't seem very fair, but then again, life is never really fair. Looking back, I am amazed at God's grace and provision over my life. Needless to say, I finally secured a job, and that with quite a good package. Although the odds were against me, but prayers of many supported me, and for that I'm very grateful.
I suppose they say the journey is more important than the destination. Perhaps these few months were meant to teach me a few lessons. Lessons of faith, prayer, patience, friendships and also learning to let go, and let God. I can't profess to have learnt it all, and I am sure life will teach me some of these lessons again, but they have been valuable. All in all, I have learnt to not rely on things, circumstances, or even people, but on God. I have also learnt that in life, many things are really beyond my control, and that is alright.
Some days have been really slow and boring, but I really should savour them as there are not many of them left... In the meantime, I guess I shall enjoy my music, tv, books and sleep...
Not much of a person of faith that I am suppose to be. Instead, I was more of a fraud. I mean, I prayed, and prayed, but nothing seemed to happen. There was no sign, and more silence. In my heart, I knew that God will answer somehow, but then doubt clouded my mind as I looked at the circumstances. Perhaps that was my greatest folly: looking at things from a very human perspective.
But to be a person of faith requires looking at things from God's perspective. Failing which lies the danger of bordering on insanity! Perhaps I didn't really believe my own prayers fully. I struggled with many things, including my self worth, and wondered why it seemed so much easier for others. It didn't seem very fair, but then again, life is never really fair. Looking back, I am amazed at God's grace and provision over my life. Needless to say, I finally secured a job, and that with quite a good package. Although the odds were against me, but prayers of many supported me, and for that I'm very grateful.
I suppose they say the journey is more important than the destination. Perhaps these few months were meant to teach me a few lessons. Lessons of faith, prayer, patience, friendships and also learning to let go, and let God. I can't profess to have learnt it all, and I am sure life will teach me some of these lessons again, but they have been valuable. All in all, I have learnt to not rely on things, circumstances, or even people, but on God. I have also learnt that in life, many things are really beyond my control, and that is alright.
Some days have been really slow and boring, but I really should savour them as there are not many of them left... In the meantime, I guess I shall enjoy my music, tv, books and sleep...
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